RIP: Billy Mays 1958-2009

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The direct marketing world lost an icon and one of the greatest pitchmen of all time today; Billy Mays was found dead in his Florida home a little before 8:00 AM this morning. He was 50 years old.

In a week where the entertainment world lost Michal Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon, it's hard to imagine losing another public figure. This one hits the advertising world particularly hard, especially with the recent rise of direct marketing (the "CALL NOW AND RECEIVE..." commercials) with the dip in the economy.

Mays had an unparalleled ability to sell you something that he made look really useful, even if you didn't need it at all. Products like OxiClean, Mighty Putty, and the Awesome Auger are just a few of his success stories. Recently, he had been seen pushing iCan health insurance, and mocking his own style in ads for ESPN360.com.

Little is known about Mays' shocking death right now, but foul play is not suspected. It is reported that Mays had been hit in the head by falling baggage after a turbulent landing on a US Airways flight Saturday afternoon; it will not be known if this was a contributing factor until after tomorrow's autopsy.

Many of us will genuinely miss one of the world's most transcendent marketing personalities.

Rest in Peace.

Burger King gives guys Whoppers

Yeah, the above image is from a Burger King commercial.

BK, the notoriously secondary burger joint in America, has been trying for years to keep its target away from McDonald's and other fierce, heart-disease inducing rivals. That target? Young-to-middle aged hard-working sex-obsessed men.

It has come to the point where BK's ads are obvious, shameless grabs for the attention of the Homer Simpson and Glen Quagmires of the world. Some of the ads challenge the target's masculinity (the Angry Whopper, anyone?). Others include subtly sexual imagery, which has progressed to outright innuendo.

In 2006, BK unveiled the Whopperettes in time for Super Bowl XL:

Needless to say, most of us would like to take a bite out of that sandwich.

One year later, the New Zealand Advertising Standards Authority pulled two BK ads on the grounds that they violated Advertising Codes of Practice in that country. See for yourself:

It's so big, they have to share it, too.

"Burger King has never intended to offend," said Marketing manager Megan Denize. "The ads are a light-hearted reflection of the cheeky nature of the Burger King brand. Burger King is a brand that prides itself on not taking itself too seriously. Our customers value not only our great tasting food but also our fun attitude."

Undoubtedly, at least 50% of the population values their fun, girls-bouncing-on-a-trampoline attitude.

Finally, we have BK's latest effort, this time in print. This one brought to my attention by my good friend, Danielle.

Failed tag lines for the Super Seven Incher ad? I'd guess:

• BET YOU CAN'T TAKE IT ALL

• THAT'S ALMOST 2 INCHES ABOVE AVERAGE

• FOR MAXIMUM PLEASURE...

• NOW WITH SECRET SAUCE

and of course

• SHUT UP AND SWALLOW

You've got to appreciate the King's efforts to grab hold of it's target. While McDonald's continues to become a global this-that-and-the-other-thing restaurant and Wendy's panders to those hit hard by the economy (it turns out Threeconomics is still not a college course), BK is sticking to the horny male segment of the population.

And even if they don't continue to sell their cardiac arrest on a bun, there's always the cologne market.


Have it your way, baby.

Adding Lil' to your name only works if you're a rapper

New from the people who brought you Lil' Wayne, Lil' Kim, Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boys, and expensive bottled water comes...

Here's Lil' Fiji, straddled by regular Fiji and what I assume is marketed as Big Ol' Fiji

That's right folks! The same bottled water shipped in from a rain forest on the island of Fiji, drank by the President himself now comes in a smaller and even less economical package! Why drink outrageously expensive 16 oz bottles of water when you can drink 11.2 oz bottles?

I was taken aback when I saw the above package on the shelf at Target. Now understand, I'm beyond the fact that people actually pay for water. Getting people to buy bottled water at all is one of the great successes of advertising of the last decade; most people have come to accept the practice. My house is constantly stocked with bottled water. There's something to the idea of the cleanliness or the healthiness of drinking a Dasani (Coke's tap water) or a Poland Spring (Nestlé ground water).

It's different when you're talking Natural Artesian Water. A nine-pack of Lil' Fiji goes for $8.99. A dollar a bottle. A 28-pack of Poland Spring 20 oz bottles goes for $6.54. That's 9 cents per ounce versus 1.2 cents per ounce. I didn't look up the comparable size for cheap water because 11.2 isn't really a legitimate or appropriate size for anything.

Let's go on the assumption that bottled water actually is better for you in some way than tap water. Therefore, both Poland Spring and Fiji (Lil' or otherwise) must both offer benefits that tap water does not. Based on the pricing, can we then deduce that Fiji is eight times better for you than the leading bottled water brand? In short, no.

People are willing to pay for brand names; if they weren't, my industry wouldn't exist. Somebody must be willing to pay a dollar a bottle for Lil' Fiji; the brand has actually been around for three years. To some people, Lil' Fiji must be eight times cooler than Lil' Poland Springs, or Lil' water from the faucet. To you folks, I say: thank you.

Without the upper echelon tool kits that buy products like Lil' Fiji because it comes from 8000 miles away and Barack Obama drinks it, branding would be meaningless, and I'd be drifting aimlessly through the world. And probably be a philosphy major.

Before hiring commercial actors, think with your dipstick.

I forget what I was doing when I saw the following commercial for IBM to think what it reminded me of.

It didn't really compel me to think of IBM as messiahs, so that was out. Then, it hit me. The "doctor" that appears talking about medical images or some nonsense was familiar. But from where...?

Don't see it?



This is a real "you pay too much attention to commercials" moment.

UPDATE
Upon further review, the actor is the same person, and was also in the movie Beerfest as Mr. Schniedelwichsen (and more ironically appeared in an episode of Mad Men). His name is Bjorn Johnson.

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In a world without advertising...

A cute little project from Mindrally, the site withoutadvertising.com allows users to fill in the blank. Literally, and that's all there is to it.

It's just a little bit of Web 2.1 fun, there's no moderation, so as soon as you post something, it appears on the site until bumped by new entries.

Unfortunately, the site just further renews my lack of faith in the human race. Some stellar responses (those that I assume are serious) include:

Without advertising,

"...everything will be the same"
"...everything would be awesome"
"...tv watching would be simpler"
"...all we'd have is the internet"

and of course...

"...i would be in cuba"

uhhhh...

You can see my entry in the screenshot (the one in yellow). I'm sure magazines as we know them actually wouldn't exist at all. Same with newspapers, TV, etc. I really can't imagine a feasible world without advertising. People say it brings up the prices of a lot of commodities, but it also brings down prices of media and other things, and creates competition that is vital to the survival of the economy.

"TV watching" would not be simpler...you'd have 3 channels to pick from and you'd have to pay a few hundred dollars a month to see them. But, heaven forbid Joey Baggadonuts opens up his limited worldview to see that commercials are more than annoying breaks in Family Guy and The Real World.

I'm considering adding to the list:

"...people would have one less thing to not understand."
and
"...I'd have a boring major."

Best ad on TV 6/16

If I ever get the chance to go to a Jack in the Box, you know what I'm ordering. I might even do the dance.

Comic Sans: Sans Purpose.

I’d like to think that as a student of advertising with some graphics experience, I have somewhat of an eye for design. And yet, I know a lot of my notions about visuals aren’t just from education. A lot of people can tell you something generally looks good (or especially, bad) without any sort of formal training. This then begs the question, why does Comic Sans exist?

Comic Sans has been a default Microsoft font since Windows 95. It was developed by Vincent Connare, an early Microsoft programmer/designer who was distraught when he saw a comic strip that used Times New Roman for the dialogue. He sought out to create a more fun, cartoony font. The monster he created became arguably the worst typeface for 99% of type, projects, and signage.

“What’s so bad about it,” you might ask? “I think it’s whimsical!”

Try reading an entire paragraph, or an entire page in Comic Sans. Even better, go for the all popular ALL CAPS COMIC SANS. The strokes are too fat, the letters and the spacing are uneven, and extensive exposure to this immature little font has been known to cause retinal bleeding in adults and pose a threat of birth defects to pregnant women.

If you want your restaurant/auto repair shop/day care to look like it’s owned by a six year old, buy some big neon Comic Sans signage.



Tom Fauls, associate professor of advertising at BU, has said:

“Good typography should be like a wonderful clear crystal goblet that holds wine, much better than a golden goblet that has jewels on the outside because the point of the crystal goblet is that you can see the wine that’s inside, you can appreciate the colors…”

Going on that metaphor, if good typography is a crystal chalice, Comic Sans is a lime green tippy cup you find under the couch when you move your furniture, when you haven’t had young children in 17 years, that still has a little chocolate milk in it from its last use.

Just about nothing looks appropriate in Comic Sans. Many people who would claim to having little to no design experience could spot the problems here:



Needless to say, you can’t be taken seriously if you choose to use this font for just about anything. That is why I’m calling for a personal boycott on any business caught patronizing Mr. Connare’s wonderfont. If you don’t show the creativity or effort to pick out a font that isn’t Comic Sans, I’m no longer going to trust you with my business.

I have been beaten to this cause by the website bancomicsans.com The creators took up their cause in 2002 to get the font removed from the defaults in Microsoft programs, and have a massive online petition. As much as I fear that their signatures will fall on deaf ears (as they have thus far), I only hope to spread their message in the hopes that people can gain a tiny little bit of an eye for design and some self respect and stop using Comic Sans.

Or else...


Please.

Blog reads you - Adamvertisement #1

Now that I'm the proud owner of Adobe CS4, I thought I'd use the blog to share some of my ads and other creative work.

This first ad is something I just finished up once I got InDesign installed, it's a quarter-page advertising tourism in Branson, Missouri. This was an assignment for my ADV 207 class, in which we had to hype up the entertainment in Branson because Las Vegas had gotten so far ahead after that "what happens in Vegas" campaign.

To understand the ad, you have to be familiar with the Russian reversal, made famous by Cold War comedian Yakov Smirnoff:

Because Yakov had his own theater in Branson (on the strip, if it can be called that), I hatched the idea for this ad (click to enlarge):

RIP: Kobe and Lebron Puppets

RIP 5.30.09

Lebron James' dreams of a 2009 NBA title with the Cavaliers weren't the only casualty following Cleveland's loss to the Orlando Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals. Also destroyed was the potential for some Nike on Nike play between the two best players in the world, and consequently, an epic advertising opportunity for the country's biggest shoe brand.

Of course, the company had been showing the Kobe/Lebron puppet commercials, which portray the pair of superstars as Sesame Street esque puppets talking smack to one another, in order to hype up the inevitable match up in the NBA finals:



Uuuuunfortunately for Nike and for funny commercial loving folk everywhere, the campaign must now die a quiet, painful death as King James will not be participating in the Finals. In his stead will be Dwight "Superman" Howard and his Orlando Magic. As great a character as Howard is...



...you won't be seeing him in stuffed, stringed effigy form. Howard is a spokesman for rival adidas. This poses an unbelievable opportunity for the Germans to strike back. Their arch nemesis just had a campaign blow up in their face, and they now have their Super spokesman battling with Kobe and the Lakers. If they can throw something together in time, it'd be an awesome shot at Nike. They have until Thursday, Game 1 of the Finals, to get something on TV, assuming they were forward thinking enough to have purchased some spots.

If not, a giant puppet of Superman in downtown Orlando (or Cleveland, if they were ballsy) would suffice.

As for Nike and the rest of the sports and advertising worlds, we continue to wait for a modern version of Magic/Bird. I'm sure ESPN will do just fine in the mean time.

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