Back story:
Driving back to Buffalo from the Pro Football Hall of Fame festivities in Canton, Ohio, we hit a rest stop in what I assumed was the lovely town of Ashtabula, near the PA-OH border. I went in to grab a drink and an Ohio lottery ticket (I lost), and saw the town’s newspaper sitting on a rack. I bought it instantly (with quarters I borrowed to get to $1.25).
Pictured are the front and rear pages of section A.
If you live in an area that is urban at all, perhaps you have wondered how the backwoods redneck culture can even still exist. Perhaps you wonder how politicians like those who raise their hand to this question ever get elected. Nobody actually buys a confederate flag decal for their pickup truck, right?
Don’t we all have a lot to learn about our country?
I’ll limit myself on the social commentary and just go on to the highlights of the article, for those of you that don’t want to try to read it and want a good laugh:
Ashtabula resident Jesse Staut on the appeal of the Redneck Games: “This is the most exciting thing happening in Ashtabula County this weekend…we all get together and they share the beer and I drink it.”
The festival’s rules on kids: “Make them, don’t take them.”
The couple pictured on the back page, Brittany and James, actually just met on Friday. This is Sunday’s paper.
Aforementioned Brittany on her heritage: “I was raised as a redneck because all of my family members are from West Virginia” (A sounding endorsement, if ere I’ve heard one).
And of course, the listing of events:
- Mud Volleyball (pictured on the front page)
- Redneck Horseshoes (difference from regular horseshoes is not mentioned)
- Tug-of-war
- Belly Flop
- Wet T-shirt contest
- Daisy Duke shorts competition
I wish I were kidding, ya’ll. Also note, I broke my boycott of things using Comic Sans to buy this paper.
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