ad(am)vertising: Lindsay Lohan: Got Milk?

She's always been a milkaholic...

The New York Post is reporting that Lindsay Lohan, most famous of course for her role in the critically acclaimed Disney Channel original movie Life-Size, is suing financial trading company E-Trade over a recent spot that you may recognize from the Super Bowl and other placements:

Her gripe with the ad is the part where the protagonist baby's supposed mistress, Lindsay, is accused of being a "milkaholic." This little quip, which Lohan interprets as mocking her, apparently offends the Lohan camp enough for them to sue for $100 million dollars, that is:

The complaint, as so eloquently put by Lohan's lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia:

"Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit...They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

In other words, because Grey Group chose the name "Lindsay," they should have to pay up, because apparently there are no other Lindsays on Earth, and a spot featuring infants talking about investing somehow offended the star of The Parent Trap?

If anything, Linds should be offended by the way it was portrayed that her "character" was dating a male baby! Not even she is sure of her sexuality, how dare E-Trade insinuate at it!

I could go on to discuss the enumerable ways that this is ludicrous, but instead I'll take the high road:

I hereby offer a reward of one million dollars to anyone that finds anyone or anything using the name "Adam" that leads to a successful lawsuit against the parent company for using my name and characterization for business without my approval. Possible targets include:

Blink-182, for writing "Adam's Song" without my permission.
Snickers and NFL kicker Adam Vinatieri, for the monnicker "Adam Nougatieri"
Charles Addams, for his morbid portrayal and mispelling of my family's name
and of course,
The Bible, for associating me with the first man and his ejection from the Garden of Eden.

Suggestions are welcome.